“I don’t Love you.” she said. It rang out like a gunshot in silence. I didn’t hide behind my pride, I just stood there and let it marinate. I responded by saying, “…okay.” It had been three months since we had decided to end our relationship. I had proposed the question of Love in jest, as a comparison to hate, and even apathy. It was my attempt to be lighthearted in a conversation where tensions ran high, but so much for that.
It was the first time I had ever heard that from anyone, more or less the woman who four months before, we had discussed marriage. Though I believe she had her reasons, I know they were not for me to pontificate. I’ve been told I hate you by another in anger. Still even that didn’t have the same sting. I easily accept that hate is often an uncontrollable emotion. But I found myself faced with a moment that egregiously contradicted the three years we both spent, supposedly in Love.
I thought about every conversation we had planning our future together. I thought about the time we spent with our families, holidays, birthdays, and trips. It all seemed to be a waste in that moment. And then I thought about everything I had possibly done to trigger such a response. I thought about it for days. Surely I hadn’t been a perfect partner in our relationship, but I eventually came to the conclusion that my thinking about it didn’t change what she said or how she felt.
Prior to that moment, I had already come to terms with the loss of such a significant Love. But it was something about hearing those words that managed to wedge division in the peace I had found. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to tell her all the self righteous things I thought of now that I had more time to think. But instead I chose to Love her anyway. And I still do Love her; of course from a distance and without words. I Love Anyway because I choose to. I Love because it’s who I am. I Love because when I Love, Love finds me, especially when I need it most.
My potential anger became empathy, not pity, nor sympathy. My belief is that whatever makes you happy, I hope it also makes you whole. So my peace is restored and my hope is reinforced with the notion that i am Love, by choice, and no one can take that from me regardless of what they feel, say, or do. If “Hurt people hurt people,” I don’t want to be a hurt person.
I’m not sure what your experience with Love has been, but I can imagine you’ve found yourself in a moment wherein the Love you once knew was no longer present. I propose to you that you Love Anyway. The Love you seek is as much inside of you as it is in the world. In my book, i am Love, I share with readers that, “Nothing knows Love more authentically than Love itself.” Being hard, angry, hating self and others will keep you from ever experiencing the full potential of the Love that is purposed for you!
Always operate with a necessary amount of discernment, but never stop Loving. When you meet adversity, Love Anyway. When you don’t feel like showing Love, Love Anyway. And when you’re told there is no Love for you here, find a place within yourself to Love Anyway! Because Love is necessary to Life, without it there is no hope, there is no faith and there is no future. So Love Anyway!